Listen a hundred times; ponder a thousand times; speak once. - Turkish proverb.
Someone once said that the only time you listen to the other person without waiting for your turn to speak is when the other person is on his/her deathbed. Quite true. Isnt it?
At the first utterance of word 'Communicate' one starts thinking about speaking. Communication is a two way channel, definitely not a one way download. To be able to understand what the other person is saying, we must first listen carefully.
Unfortunately, so many of us are so bad at this skill. Which is why we will focus on the first and the foremost skill called 'The art of listening'.
I have a collegue ,lets call him James ... I better not reveal his identity, with whom i regularly deal with. He is a good natured and intelligent guy. But he has one hell of problem when it comes to listening. Whenever someone speaks to him
regarding work, he never maintains eye contact, runs parallel thought threads in his mind, interrupts the other person abruptly and brings up a whole new issue almost taking the other person by shock, checks his mails while listening and last but not the least answers phone calls during the conversation without apologizing to the other party. Now you almost got a clear picture. Imagine what would happen if he is entrusted with an important task like gathering requirements from the customer.
It happened with me too. I once ran into a very awkward situation when the customer answered my question and at the end he said 'FYI .. I clarified this at the start of the meeting'. I wasnt listening.
Imagine you are being interviewed over phone by a Senior official in China, who lets say has a very different English accent. Now you have added problems. Unless you are a keen listener, you cannot pull it off.
I am sure we all agree, now, that listening is an art and requires good effort. It is mission critical for good two-way communication.
Lets see how we can improve our listening abilities and be the sharpest gem in the room:
1. Understand clearly which conversation is important for you to devote your
complete attention. Just because you are reading this post doesnt mean you go
out and listen to every conversation keenly. Know your priorities.
2. Always carry a small notepad and pen. We are not Einsteins to remember
everything. It also helps the other party know that we are interested in the
outputs of the conversation, which pushes them to be more attentive and
responsive.
3. Maintain eye contact but dont stare. If you are uncomfortable looking at the
other person continuously, you can look at your notepad for a moment and go back
to maintaining eye contact again. With practise, this ability becomes natural.
And believe me you get confidence boost with every conversation.
4. Do not interrupt the other person abruptly. If you dont agree with him/her or if
you have to add something, wait for the right moment. This right moment could
be when the other person is finished or when he/she is moving on to
another subject. When they are moving on to another subject, you could
interrupt them by saying 'Before we move on, can I add few points to the
previous issue that we were discussing ...' or something like that. Across
different cultures it is considered very rude when we abruptly interrupt the
person speaking currently. But do remember that when you have a point to make,
do make it by identifying the right moment.
5. Always ask the right questions at the right time. A good example could be that
you prepared a list of questions for the other person and when the other person
was answering the first question, he/she added few things that were actually
answers to few other questions in your list. In such case, you shouldnt bring up
the same questions again. But yes, if the clarity is low, just go for it. The
whole point of conversation is that all the parties come on to the same page.
6. A good listener can hear, understand and analyse the words spoken by the other
parties simultaneously. This requires great effort but it is extremely
important when you are engaged in a conversation that lasts only few minutes.
It is important for you to quickly grasp the things, analyse them, ask right
questions without deviating from the main theme and get back to the conversation
again.
7. When you get a phone call while you are engaged in an important conversation,
attend to it only if it is very important. And do so only after mentioning
something like 'Please excuse me for a minute ..' etc. And you can get back to
the conversation by saying something like 'Sorry about that .. You were
mentioning about ...'.
Well, according to me, the above mentioned points can be of great help in our efforts to become good listeners.
I remember one of my managers who was so good at listening that people used to spread legendary stories about him. He remembers every single detail that his employees mentioned over long periods of time. He can recall names of every single employee's family members. Thats great listening skill complemented with terrific memory power.
From now on, just control yourself (er..rather shut up ...) and pay close attention to other parties in the conversation. When the time is right, speak up .... freely and confidently....
I will be happy to learn about your personal experiences and suggestions.
